Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Paypal, old snacks, and coffee purchased with change.

My girl has a Nana.
Her Nana is a nice lady.
Truly.
Sometimes she sends over "snacks" and what not. Candy, pre-packaged crackers, and other such sort of miscellany.
So when accepting above named kind gestures from old people,
Heed this warning:

CHECK THE FUCKING DATES MY FRIENDS...APPARENTLY RITZ EXPIRE!

While on my way home for work this evening, I stopped for gas.
Deciding to use my Paypal debit card was obviously a shit idea. I stuck it in the slot and waited, and waited, as I impatiently uttered what the fuck under my breath the pump started to chirp at me.....
Please see attendant.
Muttering what the fuck again, I proceeded to try again....same result.
What the fuck.
The very oriental lady was waiting for me. Is oriental "P.C".?
I handed her my card. She looked it over as if I had handed her a strange ancient artifact.
"you debit"?
"run it as credit please, I haven't set up a pin yet"
Her eyes widened.
"You steal! Thief! This no you card!Thief!"
"What"?

I shit you not people.

"No really its mine, see here's my license" (Trying to keep my calm)
"I no believe"
"Fine I'll go to the fucking station down the street...my card please" (Losing control of calm)
"Oh...fine I try...deb or cred"?
"Whatever works...".

Again...what the fuck?

Frustrated I slammed the nozzle into my little p.o.s., then the pump turned off.
Yeah just my pump. Yeah.

"Auw, you try num 4".
"K".

After on more what the fuck, I got in the car. I was getting hungry.  Remembering the "snacks" i grabbed this morning started to lift my spirits.
Nana snacks.
It was dark, I fumbled around and opened the Mini Ritz Peanut-Butter Crackers and threw a handful in my mouth.
I can't begin to describe the horror my taste buds experienced. Somewhere between stale, mold, and shit.
I pulled over, still in the parking lot and spit it out. Door opened, hanging out of the car, spit it out.
Upon inspection of the package I found they expired..
In.
TWO THOUSAND FUCKING SIX
I threw the package and continued to spit as a lady walked up to me and asked if I was vomiting.
No I replied, almost, but no, just spiting out old ass crackers.
She told me she found it offensive. I lit a cigarette.
She informed me I shouldn't  spit on the good green earth....
What the fuck.
I found this intriguing as we were in "that part of town" and there is nothing green about it.
I informed her of that, she didn't respond.
Now I'm not for littering and what not but given the circumstances...yeah.
We exchanged a few choice words.
I watched her get into her Ford Excursion...Diesel no less.
I moved on.

I frantically searched the car for a bottle of water...nothing.
Not wanting to re-enter into the Chinese gas station, I left.

I did what any good, rational, outstanding person would do.
I hit Starbucks for a coffee, and I paid in change. My dealings with plastic were over for the evening.

I"m slightly paranoid about food and its expiration. I slipped up, obviously.

So kids, when Granny sends a snack for the road..check the date.
Oh and pay cash for gas.