Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Paypal, old snacks, and coffee purchased with change.

My girl has a Nana.
Her Nana is a nice lady.
Sometimes she sends over "snacks" and what not. Candy, pre-packaged crackers, and other such sort of miscellany.
So when accepting above named kind gestures from old people,
Heed this warning:


While on my way home for work this evening, I stopped for gas.
Deciding to use my Paypal debit card was obviously a shit idea. I stuck it in the slot and waited, and waited, as I impatiently uttered what the fuck under my breath the pump started to chirp at me.....
Please see attendant.
Muttering what the fuck again, I proceeded to try again....same result.
What the fuck.
The very oriental lady was waiting for me. Is oriental "P.C".?
I handed her my card. She looked it over as if I had handed her a strange ancient artifact.
"you debit"?
"run it as credit please, I haven't set up a pin yet"
Her eyes widened.
"You steal! Thief! This no you card!Thief!"

I shit you not people.

"No really its mine, see here's my license" (Trying to keep my calm)
"I no believe"
"Fine I'll go to the fucking station down the street...my card please" (Losing control of calm)
"Oh...fine I try...deb or cred"?
"Whatever works...".

Again...what the fuck?

Frustrated I slammed the nozzle into my little p.o.s., then the pump turned off.
Yeah just my pump. Yeah.

"Auw, you try num 4".

After on more what the fuck, I got in the car. I was getting hungry.  Remembering the "snacks" i grabbed this morning started to lift my spirits.
Nana snacks.
It was dark, I fumbled around and opened the Mini Ritz Peanut-Butter Crackers and threw a handful in my mouth.
I can't begin to describe the horror my taste buds experienced. Somewhere between stale, mold, and shit.
I pulled over, still in the parking lot and spit it out. Door opened, hanging out of the car, spit it out.
Upon inspection of the package I found they expired..
I threw the package and continued to spit as a lady walked up to me and asked if I was vomiting.
No I replied, almost, but no, just spiting out old ass crackers.
She told me she found it offensive. I lit a cigarette.
She informed me I shouldn't  spit on the good green earth....
What the fuck.
I found this intriguing as we were in "that part of town" and there is nothing green about it.
I informed her of that, she didn't respond.
Now I'm not for littering and what not but given the circumstances...yeah.
We exchanged a few choice words.
I watched her get into her Ford Excursion...Diesel no less.
I moved on.

I frantically searched the car for a bottle of water...nothing.
Not wanting to re-enter into the Chinese gas station, I left.

I did what any good, rational, outstanding person would do.
I hit Starbucks for a coffee, and I paid in change. My dealings with plastic were over for the evening.

I"m slightly paranoid about food and its expiration. I slipped up, obviously.

So kids, when Granny sends a snack for the road..check the date.
Oh and pay cash for gas.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

You say it's your birthday

So yeah...
My Blackberry chimed at me this morning, I looked at it, one eye still shut.
Shit! I have a appointment today!?...oh, its my birthday.
I'm not sure if this makes me a really busy cool guy, or just a guy desperate to fill up my calender.
Either way, this is my corny birthday blog post.
Happy Birthday me.

On my 5th birthday, my mother bought me the 45 single of this song.
Thought I'd share.

Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I'd be a liar if I said I've been busy at work, that's why I have not been around.

I do not lie.

All's fair in love and war, but life's a confusing bitch.
I made myself a summer vacation out of a knee surgery, a financial loss, mental gain.
I would love to write something worth reading, stay tuned maybe it will happen, till then.....

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

One day he was just gone Part 1

Memories are a funny thing. Some of them you push deep into the corner of you mind, and try to forget them.
Some you keep up front and on display.
Maybe the ones you forgot were never memories to begin with, just scenes in your life, then they fade like a scene from a bad independent film with sub-titles.

Something always happens though....situations arise...and the forgotten become the remembered.

I'm a product of divorce, as they say. Latch key kid, raised by a hard working single Mother.
My childhood was good, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining. My Mother raised me alone and I have nothing but the highest respect for her. She did her best, it was plenty enough for me.

Late 1980's, early 1990's "Broken Home" kid though.....I fit the bill. We all did.

I'm going to do this in parts.
  • To avoid really long posts.
  • To clean out my head
  • To say everything to no one.

Monday, June 21, 2010

Society? What do they know anyway?

I get pissed off sometimes. Pissed off that I'm not farther along in life, then I get pissed that I even give a shit about that.
So many set backs.....so little time.
I feel like I'm on to something though. I don't know what yet, but I'm on to it...I have been my whole life.
I never cared much for peoples perception of me. Some where along the line I started questioning that.
I don't think its getting older, or having kids,or trying to be responsible.
Somewhere in my "fuck society" mind, society crept in.

Yeah,I still ride a skateboard.
No, I don't watch Football
Yeah, my Suburban's name is tank and its a 96 not a 06
No, I don't shave everydayYeah, I'm self-employed
No, I didn't have a long day at the office
Yeah, I rode my board to the garage.

I revisited a few things this past weekend.

Lords Of Dogtown
Never seen it? I suggest you do.

The Lake House
I stared at this Saturday evening and thought....
                                                               " Society? Fuck them."


Monday, May 17, 2010

Who's next?

I have always found this interesting.
One single event can fuck up your day. Your good day, o.k. day or just a average day...unless of course, your average day is fucked up and miserable anyway.

It just always seems to me that when the sun is shining in your world, and your at least making do with what you have......there is always going to be someone who wants to let you know you suck.
It's like walking outside with a cup of coffee and a cigarette....and stepping on a fucking hornet.

Deserve it or not, why not on a day that sucks anyway. Maybe a day when you already feel like an asshole, you could get the satisfaction of agreeing.

See it as I do or not, I have a handle on my "hopes,dreams, and aspirations". Funny thing is they are mine, and if I turn them into reality or not is my choice. I don't need a cheering squad but, the "your wrong" squad is getting old.

Shit comes in 3's, I'm up to 2.....who's next?

Thursday, May 6, 2010

Glowing Blankly

Ive stared at this screen for weeks now...it just stares back. Glowing blankly, as if it is daring me to put hands on the keyboard and lay forth a testament of things untold.
The fragments of life as I know and knew it.                                                                                                       
It's in here somewhere, I just forgot where I  put it.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

This Friday marks two weeks since surgery. I've already had the stitches removed, and I see the surgeon again this week. Depending on how that goes,  I may get out of this leg immobilizer and into a hinged brace. I have not started physical therapy yet. Under normal circumstances I would never look forward to something like that.
Exciting right?
  Now that the pain med haze has started to clear, in no particular order, I knee'd to throw a few things out there.
Being the strong willed lad I am, its surprising Angel has not busted my other knee and left me in bed. If it wasn't for her, my mother and 5 kids....I'm not sure how I would have managed thus far. My families support has, and will continue to be a big motivation through recovery.
 I'm not sure what I thought I would accomplish these past few weeks....I feel like I have done nothing. This one time though, just this once...that's what I am supposed to do. Heal. Recover. Not being really good at "take time for you" and "rest", can pose some challenges.
Trying to stay positive. That seems to be key. This is not permanent, although it feels that way sometimes.
 I have not posted as much as I've wanted. I think for some reason this Little "update" has blocked a few decent posts.
 So with that I will leave you with http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ws6zCW6zXAM

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Carry On The Torch

My sons Birthday past a few weeks ago and, besides the usual gifts I thought a new set-up (skateboard) was in order. We ordered from www.ccs.com, a company I have been ordering from since 1991 or so.We could have gone to the local skate shop but , he opted to order. I remember these day's so vividly. Exception being my mom had to call in the order from a catalog or even worse send a check in the mail, which stretched the arrival time even more. The convenience of debit cards and the internet was not around when I was 10.
 After a few weeks of "did you check the mail,is it here", it arrived. It's funny how something like this can be so sentimental in a way. I requested it come un-assembled, after all this is the "zen" part of it all. As i watched him unpack all of the pieces I knew exactly how he was feeling. I suppose I should write about my un- wavering love for skateboarding at some point.....yeah at some point.
 I guess it was like the end of A Christmas Story. You know, when Ralphie gets the Red Ryder and his dad is showing him how to load the bb"s.
This is not the first board we have put together, but his first complete. All new board.
My favorite part of putting a new board together is applying grip tape. A good eye, steady hand, file, and a few razor blades. I took the reins on this part. I always and still do like a signature to my tape. A design or few lines cut in the grip tape, or a little sharpie art later.
 This particular deck had a graphic on the top.It was covered but it read "carry on the torch". It was the series name for this board. It struck me for some reason.
I'm not done with skating. I never will be.
 See I am not living through my son. If he didn't want to skate he wouldn't. He watched me intently as I griped his new board. I watched intently as he pushed the bearings in the wheels, attached them to the trucks, and then mounted them on the board.
 He handed it to me to check it over. After tightening up a few things, he was ready to roll. I handed it back.
I got up, grabbed my crutches and limped to the door to witness the first skate of his new board.
Until this knee is healed,
Carry on the torch.


Thursday, April 22, 2010

"They get jealous when they see ya witcha ya mobile phone"

So in the days before my surgery there was a lot I wanted to get done. The thought of being laid up for a while is less than pleasing to me. New phones where in order.
Order was filled.
I have always been on the up and up as far as cellular phones go. I'm the dude that can have no money, no job, but a pretty sweet phone.
My last phone was a Lg Chocolate. The last one before the touch. Yeah a little out dated. I will however say that phone has been dropped in a bucket of water, tossed of a roof, left inside engine bays, slid, slammed, squeezed, pinched, painted(yeah painted), and just about whatever else you could think of.
Oh did I mention 5 kids"can I use your phone,can I take a picture, blah,blah,blah"
 So I went into the Verizon store set on a Android....I left with a Blackberry Storm 2. Now I know they are not newest but, its a pretty cool phone. My current work ventures are making a phone with the Storm's capabilities useful. All this said....I lead into this.... 
While in the store it took a good while to decide. Angel had hers picked out in 15 minutes....me not so much.
When narrowed down between the Storm and the Android, we were approached by the " o so helpful" sales man. Now I already did my research but they are kinda unavoidable. I'll get to the point here.
  When I informed him of the two phones I was interested in he said (insert condescending asshole tone here)
    "you know when you see a BB, you think business person. You know, email driven. Maybe run your own business"
    "umm hmm. Yes well..."
   " now the android has all kinds of "fun" apps like facebook,twitter,and flickr"
    "yeah...umm o.k., I'll take the Storm"
 Now I guess my point is this. Just because I strolled in wearing slouched jeans, a independent skateboard T-shirt, and a pair of vans.....what? huh? You think I like facebook etc.(refer to above link).
How the hell does this guy know. I could own a multi-million dollar company.
Hey... he was supper skinny, balding, mid 30 year-old with the shakes, wiping his inflamed nostrils like he had a cold.......I didn't coin him as a coke addict. Openly anyway.
Judge not my friends.....you never know who is who.

Monday, April 5, 2010


So here i sit in my new favorite spot. A freshly built picnic table. positioned in just a way that early enough in the day its shaded from the sun....so i can see the screen on my notebook. On my very modest piece of rented land you have to choices:
 My neighboors very cluttered yard, soon to be masked by lilliacs
Pavement and a well maintained Suburban, it's fine really either way.
 It would seem as though spring has sprung in these parts, a welcomed gift to a "surf and sand" lover such as myself. I always felt like spring was a time for renewal. Not so much lawns and flowers but renewal of self, life, and times....I mean this in the most non-philosophical way.
 Every year I get this feeling. Like opportunities are limitless and everything is just fine...as long as the sun is shinning. Tis the season to grow, plant, and renew. Renew my approach on life. Not to be disappointed by the Fall thinking "I didn't accomplish anything i wanted to this summer".
  My date with the surgeon is closing in, i am excited to be honest. With a few months of recovery in order, I am sure to be at my new favorite spot. Once a tree providing shade, now chopped and screwed so I can rest my weary head. A place for my children to eat and play. A place to sit with Angel and talk with out saying a word.
  I can sit here and worry about whats to come next, or plan what to accomplish next..

 So again, here i sit. Bottomless coffee cup, fresh pack of smokes, and the unsolved mysteries of life.
The questions are irrelevant because you always hold the answers.....the key is learning to see them.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010


Unconditional love....its a funny thing. In my experience, the people that deem this one of their best qualities are total B.S. artists.True masters of the medium. I really feel this not to be something you profess, just something you do...unconditionally.
I know who loves me.I know who loves me unconditionally. I never asked nor was I told. I just know.
I know I work hard, so do the people that know me. I don't describe myself as a hard worker....
So all you self proclaimed unconditional lovers....do you really love without condition?

When you love someone unconditionally you do not set limits or boundaries on that love, not circumstances that would cause you to withdraw it, there is nothing that would cause you to not love the person. Even if the other person does something that you feel is intentional, it is overlooked if you are truly committed to unconditional love. You do not try to control the actions of the other person, nor do you tell them that you will not love them if they act a certain way or do a certain thing. When this kind of love is present both partners feel more secure and neither of them seeks to control the other.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Life is a movie.....you want to be cast as a actor,or write the script?

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Bad Boy Call And Skinny Jeans....Purple Skinny Jeans. The Middle.

Where was I? Oh yeah, thats right. Leaving the country club. Off to the mall....reluctantly. Closing in one hour, we waste some time looking at pots and pans at Macy's. Nothing was purchased....while in the actual mall I noticed the vast array of kids wearing "skinny jeans", poorly maintained "faux hawks", and "gangsters" that would run and hide if they ever really saw a "9".
 Ah, the shoe store. Love that smell. Tried on a pair of U.S made Doc's. Nothing like the U.K. made Doc's. Left with my Vans on. Go to the mall broke, I need all kinds of stuff.........go with a tax return burning a hole in your debit card, I need nothing. Malls closing, get out.
 Onward friends....were to when a town shuts down at the stroke of nine. Dennys, nah....gas station...all set.
Oh I know. Kohls. Shit. really? O.K.
Hit or miss? Both.  Its just one of those stores. Purchases....one green tank top, the girly kind. A run dmc sweatshirt, for my 10 year old. He was born in the wrong generation. Three pairs of pants. Black chords i was told to put away for next fall/winter...um o.k., i guess? A pair of "douche bag" pants, just in case i need them. I don't own much more than jeans. A cool v-neck sweater with buttons, alright.
 So now as i look over to my lovely counter par, she is laughing a little.
What? Do i have lettuce on my front tooth?
Holding up a pair of men's purple,stretch, skinny jeans....you should try these on.
Why not? I will only look like a fruity umpa lumpa that got lost in Alice's wonderland, right after leaving Avatar, while on the way back to Charlies chocolate factory. The newer factory too, not the classic one.
 Purple, nut hugging, ass-crack displaying, jeans. I like them, put em in the cart...
Cigarette outside the car, where to?
TGI Fridays it is....walking in with purple skinny jeans on.....the floor of the trunk.


Monday, March 22, 2010

Bad Boy Call And Skinny Jeans....Purple Skinny Jeans. The first part.

A weekend with no kids....I'll take that. Lets go rip up the town, drink, start a fight, and escape unscathed.
 Hardly.....yeah it's o.k. though.
 Lets see, first stop. The barn. A local junk shop jammed full of everything. Tools, dishware, toys. You know all the stuff a good junk store should have. All of it crammed in so deep the more you dig, more you find.
Left with some decent finds. A black and chrome teapot. A Polaroid camera from 1957, mint I might add. My crowning achievement......a folding craftsman ruler. The woman who owns the store told me it belonged to Sy Sidebotham. Recently deceased. Sy was a drag racer, he was one of the founders and builders of new England Drag-way.
 Strange, when I picked it up I held it close instantly. I could feel the "vibes". I would've never paid $5 for a old ruler, this was different though.
 Home again, shower and shave.....off to the Country Club. Yup, you read right folks the Country Club.
I never even knew the next over had  golf course. Without the gift certificate , people of our rank in life would have never been found there. What a waste of land. Anyway the food was decent, the drinks were decent and it wasn't too country club-ish. When looking the bill over i noticed something. A Jack and Coke, at this fine establishment is referred to as a Bad Boy Call.
Upon leaving i had visions. Visions of a Suburban doing doughnuts on the greens, the Sex Pistols pumping out of the radio, and 2 middle fingers in the air.
We drove through the gates, slowly. Most likely never to return again....

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Rip it up

The verdict is in. I need surgery on my knee. Words can not explain the joy this brings me....wait there is..aww balls. That's what i said on the way out. Not What the fuck or this sucks. Just balls.
I went for the initial visit, then went for a M.R.I.. I had a follow up yesterday. All hopes I had of a quick tune up and I'm on the road again, gone.
 The diagnosis? I don't remember the exact terms so I'll lay it out the best I can, relying on wikipedia for the most part.
 I have a torn ACL. Worst this doc has seen in a long time.So he says. There are some other ligaments that are gone. Where they are I'm not sure. With me so far?
Meniscus...yeah well that's a mess. One side is torn pretty bad and the other side (interior) is missing a piece. I'm no expert here but i don't think that is a good thing.
 Anterior cruciate ligament...yeah that's not around either. Oh did i mention the fluid? No? Well then......
there is so much fluid in my knee he was surprised I was walking. Bone bruising too, I forgot that one.
Options are,
ACL reconstruction with a bone-patellar-tendon-bone autograft
ACL reconstruction with a semitendinosis- and/or gracilis-tendon autograft.
Allograft reconstruction of the ACL
 Sweet! Recovery time on each is 4 to 6 to 8 months. Oh fucking joy...just in time for the summer. Wakeboard....negative. Skateboard...negative. Bike...negative. Work...negative, but I'm unemployed anyway so....
 I should be worried about getting back to work so I can support my family, and I am. But..........
Really I want to get back skating as hard as possible, the same fury that got me in this position in the first place. That and my career choice is less than nice to the body.
Maybe I'll end up with a gnarly scar.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Saturday, February 27, 2010

I want to get hammered

with snow......and i don't even like snow. Tucked away in my house or my favorite spot at Starbucks....
then the snow is just fine....to watch.
For a week now it has switched between rain and snow. Sometimes I like the snow better because, you can move it around and out of the way. This morning it snowed just enough to make a mess and required me to shovel the drive way. 3 and 1/4 inches of  lovely aggravation. The kind that if  you don't shovel chances are there will be a deep freeze and make a real mess or,  you will look really lazy for leaving it.
Now that i have done my manly duty......its going to be 40 degrees and sunny. That surely would have melted it.
 I'm raising my coffee cup to the one town in the northeast. The one that can miss the four feet of snow.
Yes, I'm sure I would be whining about that too, but at least that's worth shoveling.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Good, bad, or a sign of heart failure.

You ever have that feeling?
When your heart is really tight. You don't really know if its good, bad, or a sign of heart failure.
It moves down to the spot in your stomach. The spot that is reserved for the things you don't know what to do with. The things that scare the hell out of you. The things you have not figured out yet, and your not even sure if you want too. The things that make you happy. The things that hurt you, but for some reason you cant seem to get rid of them.Yet.
Maybe it's the uncertainty and unknown that's in everyone's life, jabbing that spot in your stomach.... so you don't forget it's there.

Monday, February 22, 2010

Graaaaave Diggeeeer!!!!

                     I'm no Redneck.......really I'm not. I think you could be the girl-est of girls or men, and still enjoy big ass trucks crushing things. We went to Monster Jam on Saturday. Not just the boys and myself, all of us. Three boys and and four girls. What a way to top off the trials, tribulations, and complete loss of patience that comes along with five children on February vacation. Hey i have idea:
 Lets drive them a hour away, try not to lose them in the crowded arena, and then afixiate them with exhaust gases.
Oh lets not forget installing five Pairs of earplugs. Honestly that went o.k. aside from one crying eleven year old girl, " I don't like these kind!". Well.... she wore them, we moved on. One causality of a outing is better than seven...
 All went well. Kids had fun, we had fun, and everyone made it home in one piece. They are actually pretty good travelers. This is the second year we have gone, I'm looking forward to next year......
  Now with all that said, I have a question........Why does Grave Digger always win? Every time. On t.v......wins. In real life.......wins. I swear its rigged.
 The popular truck when I grew up was Big Foot. I'm sure we all remember that name. Now its Grave Digger.
I don't remember Big Foot winning all the time.
 You didn't think i was just going to write about a little family outing did you?
Not to detract from the fun of these types of activities, but why does corporate America have to ruin it all?
I know these trucks are costly to build. Drivers need to be paid. I'm sure everything that goes along with this industry is big money. So enter sponsors and backers and so forth. I get this, trust me 120 bucks in shirts never-mind ticket cost. .
 What happened to grass roots America? Let the best driver win. Damn it I burned my toast.......
Ya know, build it, run it, and hope the judges score fairly. The Monster Mutt  Dalmatian truck(female driven,I'll add) ripped it up in the freestyle and high air. She lost by one point to Grave Digger. HUH? I mean she really out showed him. Grave Digger's headlights were flashing and his theme music was on before the scores were even in.
 Now the Nitro Circus truck is fairly new. He botches two runs??? I don't think Travis Pastrana is going to let some gutless driver represent his truck. Just saying.
 I have to hand it to the Grave Digger dynasty though. Seven different drivers, and i would assume as many or more trucks. Way to lock up the next Twenty five years guys.
No, I didn't express, my discontent to the kids. Its really for them anyway. It just gets me when a seven and eight year old ask "why does Grave Digger always win?" "oh, because he is really good."
 All in all its fun. If you have the opportunity to go, I would.
What the hell, you could even make a Grave Digger banner!

Thursday, February 18, 2010

A case of the fuckits

Yes that's right, the fuckits. I caught a case a while back. Its all the rage right now. Its pretty easy to catch and the symptoms are really easy to identify. If you catch your self saying, aww fuck it more and more....well you probaly have it. Please don't confuse it with the fucku's, fuckthis's, fuckthat's, or the idontgiveafuck's. The WTF'S occur more on forum's and text messages, they rarely occur in humans.                                                 As far as i know there is no prescription for it.
Besides if  there was a wonder drug for the fuckits it may cause:
diarrhea,vomiting, aggression, burning while urinating, increased suicidal thoughts, thoughts of homicide, yellowing of the face,hands,and private places, decreased sex drive, increased sex drive, morning wood, uncontrollable gas, laughing when people slip and fall, blogging, and in some cases it may cause a more severe case of fuckits called, the fuckthisshit's.
For further information on these and more really common ailments please contact:
Your local, state, or national government
The hipster emo queer kid who cut you in line at Starbucks to order the most complicated drink in all of barista world......then bitched about it.
Or me, but you may end up with a case of the pleaseshutthefuckup's.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Spam, friends, and the internet.

I was reading this post in the forum Link, if your so inclined . I wanted to respond but i think i was interrupted, or maybe I was supposed to be doing something else. What took me away from a public coffee shop bitch session isn't important, whats important is that it fueled something for me to write about.
 Twitter, Facebook, Myspace and all the other "social networking" sites that are crammed down our throats. My local news station has a facebook page. Why? Find your classmates, that one really gets me. If i haven't kept in touch with someone since middle school.....I'm going on a limb here...... I more likely than not don't want to now.If you were a douche bag in 8th grade, you probably still have D.B. status now.                       Now Twitter........Oh boy, (insert famous name here) just tweeted that they had a fucking burrito at taco bell.......22 seconds ago. Oh boy, hot off the press......(insert famous name here) is having diarrhea because of a burrito from taco bell......5 seconds ago....tweet,tweet.
 Myspace , good to promote a business, music, art, and things like that. I don't give a damn about your emoticon mood, who your friends are or how much you drink at frat parties. I don't....... really i don't.
 Facebook.........I hear is better than myspace, but still useless in my opinion. Same damn thing.
If you have not figured it out.....I do not have a account on any of them.......GASP....
  Now this brings me the the post in the coffee shop.
Spam, friends, and the internet.
I have made some"friends" if you will thanks to blogger, that was not my intention. Not even a little. I want to blog for me. Yes we all would like to be followed. Followed by people that like to read what you write that is. I would rather have 2 followers that are down with my antics than 100 that are just hoping for a return courtesy follow.....Ya smell what I'm stepping in here??
 The internet is a tricky place to navigate, as said in the thread. Yes it can be. Why are people so paranoid? Do you really need to ask that question?! If you go looking for trouble, your going to find it. Usually when you find it, its because you were looking. That is not to say that shit doesn't happen, but really now this is the "internets" I'm talking about here. We all were taught to check our Halloween candy right? Could be that the neighbor down the street put a razor blade in your snickers or some poison in the reeses cup........if the candy looks funky......don't eat it........if the link looks funky......don't click it. Never mind fake....be smart.

 A fellow blogger (insert blogger name here) told me i was safe, because i am faceless. Think about that for a minute. Realy think about it. I like this blogger and enjoy the blog they keep.....so if your reading... and you know who you are, whats up(insert blogger name here)?!!!
 Going with the faceless thing for a moment. I really did think about it. I'm using it in a different context now, than when it was said but, that's fine this is my blog and your playing in my world at the moment.
 I looked at myself. Are you Starts With One? Does this reflect you? Yes i think it does. I have not faked on myself. I have yet to start conquering what i want to do within this blog.........but its me. Its me where I'm at in life right now.
  It was said by the author of the post......
"I think if people would create content, and be creative, even chat some,
that people would hopefully stop acting like everything online is criminal or fake..  WTF?!"
 Besides the fact  i think it was poorly written, that statement doesn't make a lick of scence to me.
I checked out his blog.....its not my style. That is fine, not the problem. What irritated me the most?....
The txt grammar, and it looks like a floating spam page, not saying it is.......just a little ironic that's all.

  So i realize that i may have insulted a few with my view on networking sites. Some of you might agree. Some might have put on there big girl/boy undies and, know that its just my opinion, i don't hold judgment on anybody who owns a mentioned site. I'm a little pissy this evening, my views could change......but not on the social networking thing

 With all that said I'm going to eat a frozen pizza..........TWEET TWEET.

Friday, February 12, 2010

Going to the Doctor Of Orthopedic Medicine this morning.
I'm not a fan of going the the docs, but it needs to be done. Hey look at that, have the opportunity to do something i wouldn't of had the time to do normally. I'm taking it.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

The land of opportunity part 2

Well, I think what brought this about for me is a comment i made. A fellow blogger posted a question in the forum. He was in need of some advice. His situation is not something that i am currently dealing with but,  it did make me think: i should take my own advice.
 I told him to "harness the time he does have".
I tend to procrastinate a little, and push things right to the deadline. I'm not saying that i waste time totally and completely.(ok maybe when arguing with trolls). Some of you know my work situation or lack there of. I have, and continue to make a  valiant effort at finding a job. I have made constructive use of my time on this, but what I'm really talking about here is the rest of the time. I do not fit in a box, and I have always nodded my head to a different beat. This makes the traditional 9-5 a little difficult. Unfortunately the reality for me right now is, i need to do something.
 At almost four months into being jobless I'm feeling like i could be pursing more. Other avenues. Things I have not had the time to do. Creativity is a gift not to be wasted. I feel that sometimes i waste this gift and , the opportunity it could present. Instead on searching high and low for a mind numbing, nothing job, why not use this time to discover what i can do on my own. What i have already done on my own....... "harness the time he does have".
 I left a pot of water boiling on the stove. I forgot about it. The water was boiling down. What was it boiling down too?
 The almighty dollar. Now listen i like money as much as the next person. In fact i would love to have pots of it boiling down all over my kitchen. I however do not.
 The fact that i have 5 children and , a beautiful fiance to support leaves my thoughts really conflicted on all of this. I would love to start a business. My own business. On a shoe string. Ground up. With a large family like mine that does present a bit of apprehensiveness. Maybe its fear. Fear that has been crammed down our throats by society. You can't do that. How are you going to do that? Just get a real job. It takes money to make money.........
 Maybe the current state of the U.S. is the opportunity. The real  opportunity.

Monday, February 8, 2010

The land of opportunity

Taking advantage of opportunities can be difficult. Good or bad, both situations present a certain amount of opportunity. If taken advantage of properly they could bring desirable results. It seems that life, or my life could use a little finesse in this area. I'm not looking to be a true master of the medium, just a little more........well..............opportunistic. Doors as they say open and close all the time. I have been trying to knock on the closed ones, instead of looking or even peeking into what may become open.......or has been open for awhile.
 More on this later, I think I need to take this "opportunity" to collect my thoughts

Thursday, February 4, 2010

I'm going for a walk

Said in the song by Bad Religion. For those that may know.
My cars been off the road for 4 months. Unemployed for 3 or so. I feel like i'm about to lose my shit. The isolation gets fierce after a while.I was sitting here looking at this forum and realized i dont have a fucking idea how im going to get through this never mind having constructive or somewhat interesting insight into anything. Everyday has been spent drinking coffee, smoking cigs, listening to political hip hop and anti everything punk. Its not helping the matter,really. I cant even seem to post on my blog. Not even some worthless nugget of information about a irrelevant happening in my life. I give myself a headache trying to figure out wtf I'm going to do to support my family. Forget about myself...
 Maybe I'll go look at "abstract art" in the library...same shit I know i could do better, but for some reason i don't have the motivation or self confidence to do. This lady is selling this stuff for like 500 a painting, and its selling! Not that I'm some kinda art critic, and i really shouldn't be shitting on someone i don't know that is doing well ......i guess. Maybe i can go down to the skate-park that's covered in ice and snow, damn frozen waste land of a small town in Massachusetts. Maybe I should bring my camera just in case some major 20,000 dollar photo presents itself.  Maybe i should post this on my blog. Maybe?
 I suppose I'm done my piss poor little rant. I'm going for a walk.

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

So one of the children in my tribe took this picture. I think its speaks alot of different volumes, depending upon how your looking at it.

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Sticks and stones can break my bones.........

And skateboarding does one hell of a good job too. So i was walking up my basement steps tonight and....... crack. Damn its out again. My knee, or Ka-nee as i like to say. I tried to manipulate it back into place but only made it half way this time. Damn it again.
 I have been riding the ol stunt wood for roughly 24 years. I'm 30 years OLD. Do the math. I think the years skating out weighs the years of  being alive. In a way..... Hey ya know what; math was never my forte.
  Anyway take those years of  skating and general foolish behavior. Now add working years. I have been detailing automobiles for about 13 years or so. Kinda hard on the old joints and vertebra's. It does however give you one hell of a upper body workout. Any job other than that was pretty much in one industrial setting or another. But wait lets add a few more factors.......5 kids, backyard mechanics, and the pressure and stress of my own personal economic hell. Yum that's a great concoction. Full of minerals and vitamins. Does a body good.
 So it was more than a year ago that i really blew it out. I went to the E.R., that accomplished a "were not sure what you did". Oh great! Thanks Doctor. I figured out how to "pop" it in and out on my own. Like a cool party trick. Only it hurts a little....... Well alot.
 After much debate between Angel and I, I'm going to see a ortho in a few weeks. It should be interesting. I guess I'm done convincing myself it will heal on its own.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

Then i had this fleeting thought during a early morning cigarette......

 When i got over the initial shock of being unemployed, I somehow fooled myself into thinking I would have a new job in a week or two. Well that's not really the case. I made countless calls, mailed resumes, followed up and nothing. Nothing at all.
It seems like my days are just blending together. I try really hard to not let that happen. Trying to re-discover things you like or want to do can be a scary adventure. It feels like i have less time with my family then i did when working. Your constantly scanning the horizon for change, a chance, a way to take care of  the people you love. Then i had this fleeting thought during a early morning cigarette......
What if i never have a traditional job again? What if i don't want to sweat for someone else anymore? What if i don't want to crawl on my hands and knees. I don't want to fix the work that's been undone anymore.
The more I'm out of the 9-5, the more i reject everything its about. I think I always have. Its not to say if offered a job, i wont take it. Out of desperation. The whole world is spinning out of control. The government just sits back and watches us try to recover. Well i wont recover the way they want me too.
 I could survive and live happy on my terms or live just to survive..........

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Every boys first love......Mom

If you haven't called your Mom. Call her. Stop by with a coffee. Give her a hug.
If you haven talked for years, make amends. She gave you life. Made the fingers you use to blog,
and the eyes your reading this with.........

sitting on the dilapidated green chair in the living room, eating a poptart, and watching project runway.

So the eldest in the house of female persuasion says my last post might get some bad response.
Awwwwh come on, that was funny in my opinion. Besides no one is reading it anyhow.
Anyway shes watching the Purina Incredible Dog Challenge and we don't even have a dog.
I'm blessed with a cat that likes to "clean" his ass where ever i happen to be! I could be sitting on the dilapidated green chair in the living room, eating a poptart, and watching project runway. There he is .......positioned on the coffee table in just a way that i cant see and............ licking away.
Its disturbing.
Yes i said it. I watch Project Runway. With my daughters of course.
Yes i have nakie barbies for sale on E-Bay. Really, its ridiculous when i really think about it. A little creepy factor too. Ah the wonderful world of online sales. Who ever thought of buying a barbie then defacing it,(literally) repaint and cloth it, then sell it for 300 dollars....?.... Really now what the.....wait is this a ....umm....hold on.............
<---- WTF IS THIS?!!!!!

O.k. I respect the art and what not, but that.......
I have in my many hours of free unemployed "down" time researched this ooak thing. I have found some really neat ones.

Do you think this one
comes with 22 little baby barbies?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Its so cliche but I can't help saying it

I really could not sleep last night. Well, i did sleep but my mind was racing at the same time. What do I want to write about? Maybe a quick review of where Im currently at in life. Maybe a in-depth story of my life? How about where i have been in life? Maybe now is all that matters right now.

Where am I, who am I? I'm a unemployed, father of 5. I live with my fiance Janet, and she is the the love
of my life.
You know what, I'm not into this history of my life shit right now. Lets talk about love.
"The love of my life." Its so cliche but I can't help saying it. Our relationship has been, and continues to be so unique it's hard to put such a boring label on it. I really learned that true love is something you can't learn. There is no formula or explanation. No cure either. Its like a first crush that never goes away.
Janet or Angel as i call her has stood by me at all costs. She continues too. I can say i believe she loves me. In loves truest form. There are so many facets to us, they just sorta blend and blur.
The clear part is two people that love each-other. Two people that loved each-other upon first site (ya I know more cliche terms).
You can find someone. You can let them go. You can't always find them again. I did. We did.
I never really let her go. I don't believe she really let me go. It was circumstance. The perfect
right time at the wrong time.

Tuesday, January 19, 2010

i lost all direction already

So i wanted to try the blog thing for a while now. Already I don't know what i want to say. It seems like my main purpose for this already lost its main purpose. I seem to be suffering from some kinda creative block. I can only attribute this to the past few years of my life. The best things have happened and the well.......I'll put them as the most trying things too.
I suppose i should explain why the hell i'm here, and why i think i have the right to use a piece of the information super highway. Maybe what i might say will help someone. Maybe it will just make someone laugh as they watch there lives tick toc by in their cubical. I don't know.
I do know that what i write and when i write it might not follow any particular order..... WOW that might be just it. I'm some how making myself think i need to follow a format. Like a bloggers "hand book".
Back to what i was saying. I'm going to say what i think. Like it or not. Might even cuss a little (sorry mom). I'm not a professional writer, but my life is very entertaining that i can assure you.
Follow it if you want, read it, forget it, I don't really care. This is my life.
Well.......it starts with one.....one moment, idea, experience. A good decision or a miss-judgment. Its all irrelevant really.